I am in no way perfect. (Well, ok, I am but I can't tell you guys - yet.) I struggle with happiness and what it's supposed to be. I have three healthy, beautiful kids and I struggle to define my happiness apart from them. And it's a frustrating cycle of "I want some time for ME" and "Mama, Mommy, MOM!"
Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe the moment I became a mom, that "me" bit went out the window and the frustration comes from trying to get "me" back.
The truth is, I'm never going to get that part of my life back. And if you have kids, neither will you.
We're bombarded daily with images of moms that have it "together". Moms that step out of their houses in perfect hair and make-up, drop their kids off to daycare and get to work, latte in hand. Because they're empowered, because they know what they want, they're go-getters, they're going to break that glass ceiling and prove once and for all that they are equal to men in the workplace.
Great.
On the flip side, we're inundated with images of the frumpy, tired, stay at home mom that could care less about moving up any ladders, corporate or otherwise. The Peggy Bundys of the world (yeah, I know I am dating myself.. if you're too young to get the reference, go away and ask someone and then come back and finish reading.), who have no concerns other than watching TV, stuffing their faces, treating their husbands like doormats and their kids as accessories.
Biased much, Media?
The push for women to "be someone" has made the mom who chooses to raise her own children seem like some backwoods bumpkin who should be waiting for the day her kids are in school full time so she can "finally live again."
And that's a load of horsecrap.
Because my day job doesn't change when my kids are in school for 6 hours a day. I'm not looking for a respite from parenting my children - just some time to myself. To regroup, to get things done in or out of the house without a mini tornado in my wake yelling at me for more cookies. To have dinner prepped on time, to be ready with a smile when my kids come home, instead of the harried "Hey guys, hope your day was good, godohomeoworkrightnowbecauseIstillneedtomakedinner." To be ready to greet my husband with a smile instead of "HeyhunhowwasyourdayminewasgoodsorryIneedtogowipeoursonsbutt". That's what I'm looking forward to when my kids are all in school full time. More time to do things, which translates into more "me" time, which makes for a calmer me, which results in a less stressed mom and wife - everybody benefits from a woman who isn't a screeching harpy.
So yeah, when you have kids, you don't get that "me" part back. Because you're not just you anymore, Part of you is in those kids, who look to you for guidance and patience and love. And if you're hung up on "you", they suffer for it.
Do I have it all figured out? Ha. Not by a long shot. But I do know my life and it's not so different than the lives of countless other women out there - who just want 5 freaking minutes to finish something in the home without someone pulling her in a different direction.
(Yes,I know not all moms that work want to. Some have to. Not all moms that stay home are yoga pant-wearing sloths. Working doesn't minimize a working mom's love for her kids. Stay-at-homes work hard too. #notallmoms am I right? If you're here to poke holes at an argument by saying "not all xyz" you can probably bet that you won't like this blog. And that's ok, too. )
